How
by FanaticFaberrittanaFanfiction
Summary: A suicide rocks the lives of those she loved the most. She left no answers. Only one question remained. Rating for death I guess.


AN: Crippling depression creates this.

Sorry...kind of super sad and well this is how I handle it.

0000

Quinn

You have been reading the paper all morning. She always said she would grace the cover of magazines and papers. But not this way. You can feel the pain your chest, ripping you apart. You can't even figure out what's going on right now. Your mom has been waiting in the living the last hour, because you don't want to be too early. You can't handle the hugs and sad looks. So when you descend the steps your mom looks at you and stands up going over to you and takes your hand. You want to pull away but you don't. You just go outside with her and get in the car. She pulls down the street and you rest your head against the glass closing your eyes.

It was just another story, printed on the second page, underneath the Titans football score. You remember the first second you found out. You screamed out in confusion and swore you hated everything about her before you finally feel to your knees and grabbed your chest. You never knew what heartbreak felt like in this moment.

It said that she was only 18, a girl about my age. They found her face down on her bedroom floor. Her father came home and she was already gone, down on the carpet. Bleeding everywhere, pale, and gone. Her expressive eyes completely dead. The paper said his screams could be heard through out the town.

They'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral home, you didn't go to the wake. You didn't talk to anyone. Everyone came over to see you. You turned them all away. You screamed and threw things. You wanted everyone to just go away, but they wouldn't. And when they stayed no one could answer the question.

"_How do you get that lonely?" _

00000

Leroy Berry

Did her girlfriend break up with her? You can't be sure. Quinn hadn't been over in days. The last time she was they argued about Finn. They screamed and cried. Quinn stormed out and Rachel let out a piercing scream of Quinn's name. You sat in the living room until she came down and just walked out. She didn't even look at you. When she came home that night, her eyes were puffy and her hair was mussed. You didn't question it, you put her to bed and sung to her.

Did she buy or steal that gun? Where did she even find it? You know for a fact Hiram is terrified of guns. He would never have one in the house and you don't touch them. You couldn't understand. So many unanswered questions. No note. No video. Not even a song. All she did was sing in her room, headphones on. She never did that, she always thought that everyone should hear her outshine the original artist. You haven't spoken to Hiram since he found her. He can't answer your question.

"_How do you hurt that bad, to make you make the call that having no life at all is better than the life that you had?" _

00000

Hiram Berry

Did she lose a fight with drugs or alcohol? The nerve of some people, asking those questions. You're daughter didn't do either of those things. Yes, you're aware that she has drunk before, but seriously. How could you ask a crying man those questions? You almost sued the police station but Leroy calmed you down. You didn't understand that part. But part of you wonders, you didn't know she was getting bullied until it was over. You didn't know how she seemed to date guys that treated her like shit. You didn't know any of these things. But you should have known. Known something. But no one can answer you.

"_How do you feel so empty you wanna let it all go?"_

0000

Santana Lopez

Did her parents forget to say 'I love you Rach'? You wonder this as you sit on top of the hill with your dark sunglasses on and Brittany holding your hand. She hasn't spoken since she found out what happened to Rachel. But you remember finding Rachel, just after winning Regionals and she was sitting in the floor crying her eyes out. When you asked what was wrong she said that her parents didn't show up. So you sat down and held her until she stops.

Did no one see the writing on wall? You didn't and you hate yourself for it. How could you not see her getting skinner and quieter. Lonelier. Even with Quinn she seemed to hurt more than she let on. And when she was with Finn all the time over Quinn you chopped it up as an argument and ignore her completely. Completely. She did show up at your house once. She laid in your bed and slept for hours then left before you could wake up.

You ask Brittany the same question over and over again.

"_How do you get that lonely...and nobody knows?" _

00000

Brittany

I'm not blaming anybody, we all do the best we can. You know it took long time for everyone to honestly be nice to Rachel. You don't want to blame one moment or blame anything, because you can't. You don't know how she...or why she...she made cookies with you that morning. That morning. You guess hindsight is 20/20 but you still don't understand. You can't begin to grasp the complexity of the entire situation. You know she and Quinn were having problems but they always fought, you know that her parents were distant but she was always okay, and you know she's been sad a long time. Deep inside. But no one could see it.

"San...how did she get so lonely?"

0000

Quinn

You stand at the grave for hours even after it's over. You stare at the mound of dirt and the sun is shinning, in the middle of winter during snow, the sun is shinning bright. It's appropriate. The sun shinning on your girl as she lies 6 feet under. Your mom left, Santana left, Brittany left, and her parents left. You just sit and watch. You hope she's going to jump up and say it's all a joke but you know she won't. Because she's gone now. She's gone forever.

"Rachel...how did you get that lonely? How did you hurt that bad, to make you make the call that having no life at all is better than the life you had? How did you feel so empty, you wanna let it all go? How did you get that lonely...and why didn't I know?" You choke out a sob, "I love you...I always will. I hope you knew that."

You get up and walk toward the grassy hill and wrap your arms around your body. You're not cold, but it's the closest you can get to Rachel's arms. You see your mom sitting in her car waiting and you walk over getting in. Not saying a word as she pulls off.

_'It was just another story. Printed on the second page. Underneath the Titan's football score.' _


End file.
